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the vegan soundboard
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August 23rd, 2009quarrygirlvegan stuff

UPDATE: the vegan soundboard is now also available as an iphone app! check it out!

hey vegans, this is for you, because you shouldn’t have to strain your voice anymore. we’ve compiled a soundboard of all your favorite key phrases and if you use this correctly, you probably won’t ever need to talk again at all.

special thanks to the wonderful and talented brittany from sickoflettuce.com for providing us with the ultimate vegan voiceover.
Tags: vegan

59 responses to “the vegan soundboard”

Foodeater August 23rd, 2009 at 21:00

You guys are fucking nuts!!!
trishells August 23rd, 2009 at 21:02

this is the most awesome thing i have seen in a long, long, forever! holy shitballs!
Brittany August 23rd, 2009 at 21:02

CUPcakes!

bahahahaha i love this!
JohnnyZu August 23rd, 2009 at 21:04

Close, but you need to add, “DUDE, you are NOT vegan, get over it.”
miss anthrope August 23rd, 2009 at 21:05

@Brittany: THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH. you are the voice of this soundboard.

@trishells: thanks 🙂

@foodeater: duh!
miss anthrope August 23rd, 2009 at 21:05

@JohnnyZu: gah, leave your ideas for soundboard #2!
mr meaner August 23rd, 2009 at 21:07

seriously thinking about doing an iPhone app for this….
trishells August 23rd, 2009 at 21:09

i’m sorry, i’m still laughing!
the veggie sandwich is like what i call the no no no no salad. no meat, no egg, no cheese, no dressing. uh huh.
Brittany August 23rd, 2009 at 21:10

@mr meaner – jonathan asked if he could download it as an app!
Sunny August 23rd, 2009 at 21:14

fun!

CUPCAKES!!!!!!!!!!
deana - green with glamour August 23rd, 2009 at 21:40

OH MY GOD… This is the best thing ever!!!
Tori August 24th, 2009 at 00:48

Morrissey. 🙂

Love this!
Lex August 24th, 2009 at 06:56

hahahaha when is the iphone app????
dinah August 24th, 2009 at 08:03

i heard she eats HONEY! THE HORROR!

this is amazing.
veggie_eater August 24th, 2009 at 08:16

OMG! I’m not even vegan (yet) but my vegan friends sound exactly like this. Great work, QG. This blog rocks, and you never cease to surprise us all.
Ryan August 24th, 2009 at 08:19

“Atheist”

I before E except when proudly proclaiming godlessness. 😉
miss anthrope August 24th, 2009 at 08:22

@ryan – shit that is embarrassing. i need to switch that out. :/
miss anthrope August 24th, 2009 at 08:23

@ryan BTW that i before e rule is so misleading!!!! it’s not true, is it? ugh, we are teaching kids all the wrong things in school.

“science” and “atheist” both break the rule.
Shellyfish August 24th, 2009 at 08:25

Freaking hilarious! I love it.
Scott August 24th, 2009 at 08:30

nerds
Bryan August 24th, 2009 at 08:38

Pleather. Pleather. Pleather. Pleather. Morrissey. ROTFL.
Vegyogini August 24th, 2009 at 08:43

This is hilarious! Brittany’s voice and inflection are perfect!
mari August 24th, 2009 at 09:55

oh man that is fucking awesome!!!
Marika August 24th, 2009 at 10:05

Awesome. iPhone app, definitely.
jennifer August 24th, 2009 at 10:13

AWESOME!!
Nick August 24th, 2009 at 10:30

Sadly, most of the humour is lost on me since I don’t have any vegan friends or even know any vegans in LA. A few vegetarians but no vegans.
depops August 24th, 2009 at 11:26

this is so awesome. I’m sending to all my friends! good work, quarrygirl
angela August 24th, 2009 at 13:54

i will be the first to download this when it’s an iPhone app. yes please!
idiotkid August 24th, 2009 at 17:02

wow! also: vegan soundboard for l.a.?? there definitely must be a mention of:

1. silver lake (and/or its dog park)
2. THAI VEGAN RESTAURANTS
3. the vinh loi tofu factory
4. quarry girl!
miss anthrope August 24th, 2009 at 19:20

the atheist spelling mistake has been fixed. please be awesome, and pretend it never happened!
jennifer August 24th, 2009 at 20:49

you have THE BEST VEGAN BLOG. i come here everyday. THANKS.
Chad August 25th, 2009 at 07:52

This salvaged my shitty morning. We’d actually talked about making a “Vegan in Your Pocket” soundbox thing like this. Second the iPhone App idea. Holy geez. xoxo
Nora August 25th, 2009 at 07:58

omg this is flipping hilarious. i just played them all for my mom, and she was like THAT’S YOU!
davie August 25th, 2009 at 08:12

this is such a piece of awesome. a friend just sent me a link to this and I discovered your blog. as a vegan who has just moved to LA from Seattle I cannot tell you how much I’m going to appreciate your blog, articles and blog roll. thank you thank you thank you.

CUPCAKES!
Mihl August 25th, 2009 at 08:44

This is so cool!
Amko August 25th, 2009 at 09:33

I love it! How about a sound board with all the answers to the stupid questions people ask vegans?
Afsoon August 25th, 2009 at 12:56

I’m a vegan blogger/baker/photographer. HAHAHA
Brittany's mom August 25th, 2009 at 15:20

too f’ing funny and too f’ing real !!!
Su August 25th, 2009 at 16:31

(My entries for part 2)

Daiya.
Sea Shepherd.
You’re not an environmentalist unless you’re vegan.
bazu August 25th, 2009 at 18:17

took the words right out of my painfully vegan mouth!
TheHipstersMustDie August 25th, 2009 at 21:21

Ha ha! Great work with the annoying voice! So perfect! Well done!
laura August 26th, 2009 at 08:20

I love this more than I love my family. And friends.
liz August 26th, 2009 at 22:13

bahahaha!!! classic!
dasellrt August 28th, 2009 at 15:12
ckwebgrrl August 29th, 2009 at 10:49

No, I don’t eat fish either. I’m VEGAN!
Shut up! August 29th, 2009 at 22:19

So let’ s take a look at other products you cannot use under any circumstance.
All of these are made from animals.
First few are biggies:
– Tires : You cannot drive a vehicle, ride a bus or a bike. No transportation except walking (horses are forbidden) . And no walking on asphalt or concrete, they contain animal products. Anti- freeze, brake fluid and oil also contains animal products.
– Plastic: Several fatty acids from animals are key ingredients in plastic. No combs to untangle your greasy hair. Your B-12 and other supplements come in plastic bottles ( read more to find out about those vitamins and supplements) , so you can’ t take them. No using those little plastic produce bags at the grocery store for your veg. Oh yeah, and since almost every thing is made out of plastic or contained by it you are shit out of luck.
– Tooth paste and mouth wash: Cows provide a substance called glycerin that helps to fight dental plaque. The tooth brush is also mostly plastic. No wonder vegans have such horrible breath.
– Medicine: 350 modern pharm aceuticals are made from animal products. Anything in a gel cap contains gelatin which is made from animals. Cortisone and insulin (the synthetic stuff is very expensive and hard to get) too.
Also, Latex surgical gloves contain tallow, x- ray film contains gelatin.
– Perfume/ cologne/ deodorant: made from whales, deer or beaver. No synthetic has ever been made to match the natural animal shit. So you’ ll have to keep smelling like a cheap whore with BO.
-Wax paper , cellophane , cardboard and paper containers your processed foods come in is all made from animals.
– White sugar : purified bone ash is used to refine sugar .
– Your house or apartment: paint , wallpaper, linoleum, carpet, plywood, drywall, insulation all made from animal products, ceramic tile.
– Furniture: foam rubber contains egg whites, wood glue contains animal products.
– Laundry detergents , fabric softeners, disinfectants, house hold cleaners and polishes. You have to live a filthy life in filthy rags.
– Sunscreens , soaps , shampoos, cosmetics: all contain animal products. Lotion and makeup contain lanol in which comes from sheep’ s wool.
– Vitamins and mineral supplements: which ever vegan requires are also derived from animals.
– Fire extinguishers: use animals products.
– Electrical devices: Electrical circuitry is made from animal products. Your printers ink and/ or toner is also made from animal products.
Each of you fucking vegan hypocrites uses tons of animals each year.
Vegans do not exist . Anyone who claims to be a vegan is a smug asshole and a fucking liar. And the next time you hear someone talk about it, remind them of how they are not.
Brittany August 30th, 2009 at 00:44

@ “Shut up!” – sounds like you are the smug asshole. thanks for reminding me why vegans are so much better than everyone else.
Shut up! September 6th, 2009 at 19:43

white ass privileged bitch. Ha ha you would have the money for all this shit.
veghead September 6th, 2009 at 19:50

@ “Shut Up” – you are a racist! What color is YOUR ass, you motherfucker?
Brittany September 6th, 2009 at 20:16

yep, i received a $10.5m trust fund when i turned 21. i’ve never worked a day in my life and will never have to! sorry your life sucks.
Piggy September 13th, 2009 at 07:40

I like bacon with a side of pork roll covered in pork tenderloin . . . instead of a vibrator, I use sausage.
veganali September 17th, 2009 at 20:18

fuck portland.
Bigs September 22nd, 2009 at 16:25

I’m black and I love my fried chicken so fuck every vegan out there. All you vegans out there are little tight ass bitches. If I could I would get my gang together and rape that fucking smile off every one of your faces.
FTS September 22nd, 2009 at 16:26

yea… this is really terrible… And piggy… That food sounds very delicious :d… And brittany, you sound like a smug asshole yourself when you say that vegans are better then everyone else. They aren’t, they are no different then anyone else other then the fact their diet and lifestyle is different, that doesn’t mean your better then anyone else.
Ariana October 25th, 2009 at 20:10

For next soundboard.
– Nutritional Yeast
– Daiya Cheese
– Film
– “I couldn’t date someone that eats meat.”
Holly January 7th, 2010 at 17:05

I’m using this for my phone… 😀
Arthritis Exercises January 16th, 2011 at 13:28

Bacon, bacon, and yes… more bacon.
Saul Radshaw February 1st, 2011 at 21:26

Can we get a button/automatic response for people saying “I love cheese!” as in “Oh that must be horrible for you not having cheese!!; i would be veg/vegan but I LOVE CHEESE!!” (white people)
Sean P. O. MacCath-Moran October 18th, 2011 at 19:47

Hey – that’s neato! Let’s make one for excusetarians too! We could have phrases like:
“MEAT JUICE PLEASE!”
“F@# the planet – my 15 kids will fix it”
“Yer stupid!”
“My god said I could”
“Vegans Suck!”

… what else?